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I stayed with a family for a year, while I tried to get back on my feet from a recent lay-off. An odd family they were, very conservative, very family oriented, but what struck me as most odd, was that they treated their 14 year old daughter like a child. Maybe its all a matter of definition. When I think of a child, I think of certain restrictions, limitations, but I also think of age. To me, 14 is not a child, but this family seemed to think that 14 still was a child. I found it fascinating, even did some anthropological work, that being my odd hobby. I came up with 3 examples that support my theory:

EXAMPLE #1: The daughter in this family had a designated playtime. I found this quite interesting. For a two hour period, the mother would tell her daughter "its time for play." The daughter then used that time to do whatever play things she liked to do. The whole idea of "play" to me is childish, so it works on two levels.

EXAMPLE #2: The mother always made her daughter eat her vegetables. Sure, they are good for you, but not eating them won't kill you. I haven't eaten a vegetable for over a year and I'm healthy enough to write these findings. The mother would sit at the table, watching her daughter eat, and if her daughter didn't want to eat something, she'd make her stay there until she did. Very facscinating.

EXAMPLE #3: "The Spanking." To put it frankly, this mother still spanks her daughter. Not only that, but its a very childlike manner. For example, one day, while I sat there waiting for my mid-afternoon coffee to cool down, I overheard the mother call her daughter into the room, sounding very angry. Apparently, the daughter had disobeyed her, other than that, I know no further details. But I walked to get a view of the commotion. I watched as the mother announced to her daughter, "You're getting a spanking!" The daughter, of course, protested, already starting to cry. She acknowledged that she had disobeyed, but feared the consequences and begged her mother to change her mind about the punishment. But the mother was insistent. The daughter finally walked over slowly. The mother then went into the token catchphrases disciplinarian parents go through, such as "this is for your own good," "I don't want to do this, but I have to," and even quoted a few Proverbs about children honoring their parents. Upon hearing the Proverbs, I knew that the mother still thought of her daughter as a child. Then the daunting words came, "Now, get over my knee." The daughter cried the whole way across the lap of her mother, and as her mother lifted her skirt up and pulled her panties down (something that caught me off guard...), the girl cried louder. Then the spanking erupted. The mother landed 6 or 7 blows to the bare buttocks of her daughter. Her daughter, of course, screamed and cried with each one. Being affected that much by pain is a childish thing, I would think. Therefore, this comes as a triple evidence. For one, the mother used the method of spanking, for two, the method was very submissive and childlike with the over the knee procedure, and three, the girl reacted to the spanking very childlike.

 I have presented my case study of this family. What you take from it really doesn't matter. I simply wanted to propose that perhaps some families have different definitions of different components of family and child-rearing, and I believe that these definitions should be taken into account. 

I call myself a family man. I have a wife, a 21 year old son, a 19 year old daughter, a 16 year old daughter, a 14 year old daughter, a 9 year old son, 2 dogs, a cat, and a well paying job. I have always been a stoic man, doing what needs to be done to keep my family running smoothly. My friends all criticized me for moving to another state several years ago, because they feared my children would be disappointed. But I moved to take a very well paying job in as an office executive, a job that could support my rather large family. My children made new friends quickly and I am sure that if we were to return, they would have their old friends back quickly. I take my wife out on a date once ever two weeks if time permits,. I even feed our pets. So nobody can criticize me when I say I take life seriously and expect all to abide by the outline I've set up. My children are to follow the rules of the house, and if not, I have my trusty paddle that has come in handy far more than once. For example, just recently, my 14 year old daughter Jessica was misbehaving. In my house, my children are to respect me, and to respect their mother. Disrespecting their mother is directly disrespecting me. Jessica decided that she did not want to help her mother clean up the kitchen after dinner one evening. In my house, I have chores established that the children are to follow. It was Jessica's night to clean the kitchen and she was refusing to. I was listening from another room to the argument unfolding. I heard my wife yell "Jessica, if you don't do your chore you are going to be in big trouble!" Then I heard "No!" By the tone of my daughter's voice I knew she was in a bratty mood. Children are not to be brats in my house. I went into my room and fetched the paddle. I saw Jessica heading for the door (apparently she was supposed to meet some friends down the street), and I walked over and caught her, to her surprise. She turned around as I grabbed her. "What?!" She yelled. Then she immediately saw the  paddle and new I was determined to punish her. This did not make her very happy, as she started whining, even crying, begging me for mercy. "Jessica, you do not behave that way in this house young lady! Now let's go to your room and settle this... no exceptions." "Dad! No!" She replied. "You know the rules. Disrespect your parents and get a spanking. Let's go..." I took her to her room. Her brothers and sisters all saw me and her heading to the room. They new the situation all too well. Just the sight of my paddle made them uneasy, so I can't imagine how uneasy my daughter felt knowing she was about to feel that paddle on her bottom. I entered the room and shut the door. My daughter stood in the middle of the room and implored me "Daddy! Please! No! I'm sorry! I'll go clean the kitchen now! I promise! Please don't spank me!" I simply stared at her. "Turn around, Jessica. And bend over..." Jessica started crying and I walked over to her. "Do what I say, Jessica." Jessica obediently turned around and bent over, with her hands on her knees. With one hand, I flipped up her skirt and held it up, and the other hand I cocked my arm back, preparing to give the first swat. My children hated spankings more than anything. With my oldest son, I trained him to be tougher, so spanking did him a world of good. For my girls, on the other hand, a spanking was the worst thing in the world, and it always ended in screaming. I don't call this abuse at all, only strict no nonsense discipline. In my o opinion, a spanking needs to be highly painful to work, so that was always my goal. My children knew this. Jessica wimpered as I prepared to spank her. As I reached back preparing to spank, I heard her mumble to herself "no..." I gave her a very hard swat on her panties, causing her to recoil and cry out in pain. That was the first. "4 more swats, Jessica." I gave a second. The screaming got louder. I spank very deliberate, so they can feel the entire experience, more memorable. I gave a third, coming down extra hard on her bottom. She moved her hands in front of her bottom to rub it. "Stay in position Jessica!" "It hurts!" "I know it hurts! Its a spanking! Now bend over and take your last two swats!" She did so and I gave her her fourth. She began to cry almost internally, which I take as a good sign, it means they are not trying to make me feel guilty, they are truly not enjoying the situation, to say the least. Finally, the last swat, an extra hard one. Jessica when crumbling to the ground, crying and screaming. "Now, I still expect you to go out and help your mother. I hate to have to spank you and your brothers and sisters, but if you disobey and disrespect us, this is exactly what you deserve. You earned this spanking Jessica." As I walked out of the room I heard her say, in tears, "I'm sorry daddy..." I turned. "I know, dear. I'm sorry it had to come to this. But it will make you a better person. Discipline is meant to shape behavior. The role of the paddle in this house is to make sure you all learn how to behave." I closed the door to leave her to herself. I walked back to the living room. As I did so my 16 year old daughter said to me, "Geez dad, you gave her a hard spanking. She was screaming loud..." "You sound the same way, dear, when you get spanked. The paddle hurts, doesn't it?" "Yes!" "Let her be an example. Do your chores and don't talk back or else you'll feel the pain of this paddle as well." I knew after saying that my 16 year old was having memories of her spankings, such as a good one I had given her a month earlier for lying. Training children is a methodology, and with consistent and rigid structure, it can be done successfully.

Peaceful air blows rustles the maze of trees surrounding the serene cottage standing alone amidst the forest and the night sky. A dog barks, seeing a squirrel scurrying up a tree. The symphony of birds give an ominous concert of chirps and squeaks. Inside the cottage, the Davis family can be heard mingling amongst themselves, their daily life out in the country. The children yell and laugh, the father commenting to the mother that "you'd better make sure the children don't get out of hand." The mother agrees, and humming as she walks to the living room, softly tells her children, "Please be quiet, your father is very tired and I don't want to hear all the noise." The interior noise descends a bit and the house begins to blend back into the ambience of the forest. The boys in the house play with trucks, making the motor noises and pretend to dig up a quarry to construct a large public work. The girls sit together and chat away about which doll will marry which doll and who will live where. Suddenly, the temperature raises as the words of the children begin to become heated. "Where's my truck, Sally?" "I don't have your truck!" "Yes you do!" "Children!" The mother's voice is heard from a distance. The argument becomes almost inaudible from the outside, as they lower their voices. But it goes on, the words becoming ambience to the chirping of the birds. Suddenly, a crash is heard, breaking the silence. The mother's footsteps build as she enters the living room where the children have since stopped playing. "Who broke this lamp!" "Sally did!" A boy's voice is heard. "No I didn't! They hit it with their truck!" "No! You stole my truck and then you threw it at me!" "Children! Now... Sally, is this true?" Silence is heard. Suddenly, a girl's voice is heard, "Yes, its true mom, Sally stole it and threw it at Timmy." "Sally, I'm going to give you a spanking for being naughty." "No!" The girl's voice pierces the forest. The sound of a chair is heard as its set down in the middle of the living room. "Come and lie over mother's lap, Sally..." Soft crying is heard. Then, the sound of a hand smacking the bottom of a child is heard. It builds in volume, each following slap louder than the previous. The cries of the girl echo through the forest, the dog raises its ears, the squirrel runs off, the birds stop chirping, and the wind surrenders. The spanking lasts 20 seconds, then stops. Sally cries with no regard of ruining the peaceful ambience of the forest, knowing that her tears and wails will only be perceived by her siblings and mother, whom have all been witness to this event before. Out in the forest a spanking has occurred. They say if you listen closely, the cries of a child can be heard certain times in the forest. But that's just a legend...

"Raising Cassandra wasn't always easy. I was a young mom to begin with, so I made some choices that I regretted, such as giving Cassandra candy whenever she wanted it, something I thought would build trust but really turned her into a scheming child. But she grew out of the "I want candy" phase and soon was into the teenage phase. This phase wasn't the "I want phase," it was the "leave me alone phase." I fell into bad habits at times, not asking what she was doing. Luckily she never got into anything dangerous. I tried my hardest to be Cassandra's friend, and we got along well. But still, I knew she was always a step ahead of me, trying her best to do what she wanted without me knowing. The one time I caught her lying and going to a party with a few of her friends, she simply said 'Its what me and my friends do.' I found out that the party did not have alcohol or boys so I didn't punish her. In fact, I rarely ever punished her. I think she turned out decent. Except that she didn't always respect me as a mom, but I think she viewed me as a friend."

This is what my friend told me, when talking about raising children. This however, was not me. In my house, things were a bit different. My daughter Katie knew to always respect me. That party my friend mentioned, where her daughter Cassandra lied and went to, my daughter Katie did as well. The difference was in the respect issue. My friend was, well, a friend, with her own daughter. Her daughter could have gotten away with murder. However, when I found out Katie lied to me and went to a party, out came the trusty paddle. I had used that thing on Katie numerous times in her childhood. She knew that disobeying mom meant bending over to receive swats with the paddle, and they hurt, trust me. So when Katie saw me walking up with the paddle that day, after she had left school and went to the party rather than stayed at school to study like she said she would, she knew she was in for a punishment. Me and Katie had actually talked about spanking earlier that month. She asked why I did it, and I told her, "because I love you and want you to obey me, since I am mom and I know best." She asked why I still chose to spank her. I simply said, "You're my child and discipline in this house means a spanking, like it or not." So I thought it was almost ironic when I caught her lying that day and had to get out the paddle. And I know she wasn't happy about it either. But I walked over to her, and told her "You know the drill, Katie. She turned around, bending over and grabbing her knees. I flipped up her skirt and began, "Katie, its time for another spanking. You need to learn that lying and disobeying leads to punishment. Same thing goes for the real world. Just be happy you're getting a spanking and not fired from a job. Now, ready... I'm going to give you 6 swats, 3 for lying, and 3 for disobeying [I had told her she needed to be home that day, and when she got back, she said a teacher called for an emergency study session]." Then, of course, I heard the "Oh... mom...!" I knew it was time to paddle my daughter's little bottom. I positioned myself, paddle in hand, and initiated the first swat, right on her bottom. She started crying after my first swat, and I knew it was going to be a long spanking, and I know she thought the same thing. Number 2 and 3 came. The screaming started at 4. I had only 2 left. Most moms get almost sick at their children experiencing any pain. But I had spanked enough bottoms to that children survive the pain of a spanking (I have 3 other children). I gave 5, then paused for 6. I told Katie, "Okay, Katie, last one..." Katie probably didn't hear me, as her crying was rather loud and she most likely was focused on the pain she was feeling in her bottom. I gave one last hard smack. "There, its over." Katie stood up, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm your mom and I love you. I hate to spank you, but I feel I need to do it. I just hope you'll respect me from now on. If you don't, you'll get another spanking. Okay?" Katie nodded her head. "If I could, I would give all your friends spankings as well for going to that party. Even teenagers need to respect their parents. I'm sure some of them got spankings as well." Katie looked at me. "No! You're the only mom that still gives spankings!" I smiled. "I'm the only mom who still cares about their kids... Maybe I should let some of your friends moms borrow this paddle... learn how to use it and be a real parent."